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When baseball's players' union stepped in and put the kibosh on the deal that would have sent Alex Rodriguez from Texas to Boston, this is what A-Rod said: ``I recognize the principle involved, and fully support the need to protect the interests of my fellow players.''
This is what he should have said: ``Owners of the Rangers and Red Sox, you've been 'Punk'd.'''
As fans of the
MTV show that ended its two-season run just last Sunday know, getting ``Punk'd''
means winding up as the butt of an always-elaborate, usually very expensive
practical joke. Which, from the look of things, is exactly what happened to
Texas owner Tom Hicks and his counterpart in Boston, John Henry.
Three years after handing Rodriguez $252 million and winding up with the kind
of buyer's remorse that often afflicts ``Hair Club for Men'' customers, Hicks
thought he'd finally found a sucker to help him get out from under a disastrous
deal. Ditto for Henry, who inherited malcontent Manny Ramirez and his $160 million
deal and couldn't wait to foist him off on somebody, too.
And they thought they'd found each other Wednesday, when Rodriguez agreed to restructure his contract to make the swap work.
But that was before Gene Orza, the union's No. 2 man, rejected the proposed trade, saying it violated terms of the collective bargaining agreement by reducing the value of A-Rod's contract.
Loyal union man that he is, Rodriguez reversed course and agreed that principle was too important to sacrifice, not just for him, but for all of the working stiffs in baseball. So he and agent Scott Boras went back to the bargaining table and told Hicks and Henry to find a way to ensure that every penny of the $179 million he is still owed finds its way back into his pocket.
Saps that they are, that's exactly what the gazillionaire owners set out to do. But just as they were closing in on a new deal, commissioner Bud Selig stepped in Thursday and ordered a halt to any further trade talks, saying they missed the 5 p.m. EST deadline.
``I have terminated my permission for Boston and Alex Rodriguez to continue pursuing this transaction at this time,'' Selig said.
Though Red Sox president Larry Lucchino called the deal ``dead,'' his Rangers counterpart, John Hart, took a different tack. He said the glass was still half full, and there was still an ``opportunity.''
If and when the swap does occur, it will come as no surprise to Selig. Note the last three words of his declaration -- ``at this time.''
So what was all the fuss about?
The same thing it's always about in baseball: money.
Only the most cynical people would suggest A-Rod made an army of accountants and lawyers jump through hoops to restructure a deal that big and then signed off on the final product knowing the union would kick it back. But if you look up ``cynic'' in a dictionary, don't be surprised to find a picture of Boras, the most rapacious agent in the business, smiling back.
By the same token, even an opportunist needs an opportunity, and no two owners in baseball were begging to be ``Punk'd'' more than Hicks and Henry.
The former was tired of being baseball's doormat, perennially mocked for making the single dumbest signing in the history of pro sports. That didn't occur to him until he stood, with a grin as wide as Texas, alongside Boras and behind Rodriguez at a news conference to show off his purchase to the locals. Then someone asked A-Rod how he managed to wrangle a contract more than twice as big as the previous benchmark.
``I hired an attorney,'' Rodriguez said. And in the next moment, Hicks' smile narrowed and Boras was left beaming for both of them.
Chances are that he'll still get to lavish that same grin with Henry standing by his side. Henry and the rest of Boston's new ownership believe so strongly that the Yankees really are the ``Evil Empire'' that they're willing to do almost anything to knock the pinstripes off New York.
Never mind that this fascination with A-Rod threatens to break what had been a string of clever, cost-effective acquisitions -- shoring up their pitching with starter Curt Schilling and closer Keith Foulke. Never mind that ownership is willing to deal Nomar Garciaparra, whose done nothing but provide years of loyal and productive service at shortstop.
Somebody is going to pay for all this foolishness, and here's the first clue:
When A-Rod showed up in Texas, Lucchino was president of the San Diego Padres and this is what he said: ``Make no mistake, these obscene salaries are paid for by taxing the fans.''
This is what he should say now: ``Red Sox Nation, get ready to reach foryour wallets.''